"Sit Down You're Rocking The Boat" Not the Version from Guys and Dolls

For a good part of my young life I traveled in a boat surrounded by the most wonderful people. However, there came a time when I realized that the boat was not on the course to take me where I wanted to go. I saw many other boats in the same waters going in many different directions. The people in these boats were just as lovely and wonderful as the people that were on board with me. There were often invitations to visit these other boats and the people that I traveled with encouraged me to join them saying, "go, and do that which makes you happy." But unexpectedly I fell out of my boat and fought with all my strength just to stay afloat. No one from any of the other boats even noticed that I was in trouble or where I was. It seemed that no matter how loud I tried to scream, like in a dream, there must not have been a single sound coming from my mouth. Then pleading from within I made one final attempt to cry out, but before I could make a sound I saw a boat right in front of me within my reach. I thought that the boat looked rather odd compared to all of the other boats that I had previously admired. It was a very simple looking boat, nothing attractive about it or even about the people on it. However, I felt a very strong feeling that I would be safe on board. The people on this boat had their hands extended reaching out to me. I only needed to stretch my hand forward and they could pull me up. Then suddenly I noticed that in the waters surrounding us were all of the other boats that I had seen before. All of the people on those boats were yelling at me, warning me not to take the hands of these simple looking people and go on board with them. Some of the boats even had people slapping the waters and making waves, yelling horrible and cruel things to the people on the boat who's hands were just inches from me. It only became more difficult for me to keep my head above water and as I looked around I saw the boat that I fell out of. I recognized the faces of those on board. Some of them were crying, others were begging me to come back, while others were distracted by all that was going on. I turned my head one more time to the people that were reaching out to me. Their hands extended, their expressions were pleasant and simple. Then one who was on this plain looking boat calmly said to me, “come join us on the deck and rest. You’ll have time to think about all that you see and make your own decision before we continue on our way.” So I let them take me by the hand and pull me up. They provided me with a blanket and something to eat and drink. I felt warm and safe. Then the same person spoke to me again and said, “we will take you back to your boat if that is what you wish. We understand if you feel that that will make you happy. You are also welcome to remain on board and travel with us.” I then asked,” where are you people going?” The person replied, “We travel these waters, apparently unseen until someone by their own will looks for us. Most of them do so when they find themselves in a situation that they feel they cannot resolve on their own. Often, even when we are visible to those who are just looking for some simple answers, right before these persons can see us, they are distracted by those on other boats. Rarely, but it does happen, that a person just manages to find us on their own.” I then asked, “how long will you be traveling these waters?” Then came the replay, “until the master of our boats calls us to come home.” My final question was, “if I choose to remain on your boat, what must I do?” And my answer came, “reach out your hand to everyone, and take hold of those who will take hold of yours. Do unto them that which we have done unto you, and always acknowledge the master of the boats for who he is and what he has done for all of us.” I am safe on board this boat. I have been for some time. I understand if you are happy where you are right now and want to remain there. My hand is extended to all who wish to take a hold of it, and it always will be.

What's Harder than Working with a Child with ADHD? Sometimes it's Working with His or Her Teacher

First I have to say that there are many teachers out there that are great. If you notice that your child might need a little support and guidance, they work with you and together, "problem solved!"
Then there are those teachers with the "my way or the highway," approach to everything. They can cause a negative snow-ball effect that causes problems in all of your child's classes. Meet one such teacher:

THIS IS FROM THE ACTUAL EMAIL CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN MY SON'S ENGLISH TEACHER AND MYSELF. TEACHER'S AND OTHER NAMES REMOVED TO RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY.

Teacher:
(Student) still has not turned in his next draft of the personal statement. He needs to do this with the original essay attached. Likewise, I gave him the information regarding the worksheet and I expected that today but did not receive it. He has to read Chapter 20 in The Scarlet Letter tonight and the next draft of his Description Paper is due this coming Monday.

Parent:
Thank you very much, this will help us work with him.

Teacher:
Did you read his rough draft of the personal statement?

Parent:
Yes we have. If you haven’t gotten to know (Student) yet, he’s an independent thinker. He not only thinks out of the box, he tries to live out of the box. We make great efforts to support him in his creative expressions, however, we also work even harder to instill upon him the great importance of basic fundamentals. This is often our challenge. At home we advocate for the traditional schools, traditional teaching methods, basic curriculums, etc. We know that he won’t be able to survive in a public school, or most any school setting if he can not conform to how things are done in that educational setting. What I don’t understand, as a proud parent, is how this ADHD can have such an effect on a person to the point that it literally makes them shut down, and break down in opposition to something that to many of us seems so simple, and then accept the fact that my son is struggling with this disorder. You are a high school teacher with a Phd. You are well liked by many of your students. That’s the reason why I came to you at the end of last semester to meet you and tell you that (Student) had heard of your reputation and that he specifically asked to be in your class. I didn’t know if he could handle it, so we asked you for your advice. You said that the AP class may be too demanding so maybe we might consider the Honors class that you teach. I agreed, but I still wasn’t sure if he could even handle the honors class. So I talked to (Student) about this and he insisted that he could do it. I sent an email out to all of the teachers at the beginning of the semester to introduce (Student) and give everyone a little heads up about his challenges. I went through the protocol of setting up a 504 meeting which over the past 5 years and somewhere from 15-20 meetings later, I still don’t enjoy. It comes down to this. I don’t know if you’re willing to attempt to reach (Student) and see if you can be the one to crack the code and help (Student) get passed whatever it is that causes him to shut down. There have been teachers in the past, in different states, that have taken on the challenge to reach (Student), and they were successful. It did take a lot of work on not only their part, but also the part of us the parents as well as those in after school tutoring programs, etc. In the end, (Student) did exceedingly well in those classes and those are the teachers that (Student) remembers and refers to as his favorites to this day. Dr. (Teacher), I don’t know what you’re willing to do, but I do know that you could make a difference in (Student)'s life.

Thank you for your time,


Teacher:
My concern remains and hence the question, “Is he in over his head in this class and would he be better served in a less demanding environment?”

Parent:
A less demanding class may be more doable, but will he learn anything? I don’t know the answer.

Teacher:
That makes two of us.

Parent:
I still believe that you can reach him, stimulate his desire to learn, and help us to help him overcome his challenges. Hence the question, “are you willing to step away from how you normally do things just enough to help my son?”

Teacher:
I will follow the parameters of the 504.

In conclusion: It appears that the teacher is saying that he will only do what he has to by law. What is sad is that it also appears that the teacher has no desire and is not willing to do anything beyond what he has to do, to educate our children.

Do you have or know someone with a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? (ADHD)

I know that their are many parents out there with ADHD children. For those of you who are not familiar with this, usually these kids appear to be perfectly normal and you almost can't detect it from just watching them or even talking to them. They may come across just a little hyper-active. They often are extremely intelligent and become bored easily. When learning they often look at things very differently. When asked to do things if they can't comprehend the reason why they are asked to do it, they usually won't. If demanded to do it, they become very oppositional or just shut down. They often read into things more than it really is making it difficult to do some simple tasks. They have difficulty focusing or remaining focused on things they are not interested in, but when they do focus they become over focused and somewhat obsessive. Their strengths are often extremely magnified. They are often very forgetful and come across as being irresponsible. The quick solution is to put them on medication that pretty much just sedates them and they have bad side-effects. Some parents have said that the medications helps because it does give them the ability to focus better.

 (for those who don't know what a 504 plan is, it's a legal document that is drafted as a result of the parents requests. This may involve the parents meeting with administrators, teachers, counselors, etc. to put together a plan to provide necessary accommodations allowing the school to provide a free appropriate public education to qualified students with disabilities. Such an education consists of regular or special education and related aids and services designed to meet the individual educational needs of students with disabilities as adequately as the needs of students without disabilities are met.)

All Good Blessings Come From The Lord

30 years ago today I was baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was just two months before my 21^st birthday that I waded out into the surf at Kokololio Beach Park, at that time known as Kekela Beach. I was influenced by many good men like Joel HK Nakila who performed the baptism as well as being a role model to me that introduced me to the late Herman Ah Sue who was one of the missionaries that taught me about the church and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. At that time in my life I was living my dream, working at the Polynesian Cultural Center, and learning hula with my many wonderful hula brothers and sisters under the direction of Kumu Hula, Cy Bridges. Probably my greatest blessing at that time was that I was staying with my Hawaiian adopted family, Uncle Martin “Swanee” and Aunty Kela Miller in a quaint home right off the beach, not far from where I was baptized. I am so thankful for all of the love, support, and counsel that I received from these great people of Hawaii. My life took a different direction from what I would have ever thought while I was a teenager. I was able to grow up, obtain direction, set goals, accomplish a lot and I have many years of great experiences and wonderful memories. I’ve served a mission in South America for two years and was able to learn Spanish. I’ve been able to go back to school and earn a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree. I married a wonderful and beautiful woman, and together we’ve been through some struggles and every now and then things have seemed to easily fall into place for us. We’ve been able to travel and visit some fascinating parts of the world including our own American continent. We have 4 beautiful children that require a ton of attention, love, and good wholesome nurturing to keep them from being distracted by the alluring things of the world. Having left my former career of 21 years with FedEx in the spring of 2010, I’ve been able to spend a lot of time with my children, participating in their daily activities, helping them with their homework, and developing a crucially important family bond. Right now we’re going through challenging economic times. We are working hard to keep the family together, relentlessly pushing them through their education. We have been building home businesses to not just supplement, but to fulfill a necessary financial need, with a goal to free ourselves from debt and purchase our 3^rd home. Most important is that we continue to spend quality time with our children, helping them to make future goals including preparation to serve missions when they become young adults. My life has been blessed and I’m grateful for all that I have been able to do, all that I have now, and all that I look forward to. Aloha my friends and family. May each of you enjoy the great blessings that we are able to share from the abundance of which the Lord has provided for all of us. This I leave you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

There's a First Time for Everything

My first trip to Hawaii was in 1979. I went with my entire family and we invited the girl friends of two of my older brothers. We stayed in a vacation rental two blocks away from the beaches of Lanikai, Kailua, O’ahu, and man was that nice. At that time I was a junior in high school so it was necessary to take a week off from school, and that sure made my track coach angry. I was so excited because I had been learning Polynesian dances now for nearly 3 years and in my mind I was an expert on everything there is to know about Hawaii.

Finally, after all of the day dreaming, reading “Pidgin To Da Max,” and watching the Don Ho Show, I was landing in the Pacific Island Paradise that I someday wanted to make my home. As I disembarked the aircraft there were only two things on my mind, calling my “Calabash Cousin,” who lived on the island of Lana’i, and going to the Polynesian Cultural Center (PCC). I will never forget the first fragrances that greeted me as I stepped out of that wide-bodied jet. They are the same fragrances that I relive every time that I land in Hawaii.

I remember the drive up the Pali as I recounted the stories that I had heard back in California from some of the Kupuna (Ederly) that resided there. I thought out loud what I had learned about crossing over the pali, but I was too embarrassed to actually ask if anyone by chance had any pork with them. Coming out of the tunnel I saw a beautiful sight that was breathtaking, almost beyond description. I wanted Dad to stop the car and fortunately there was a place to pull over and park at the scenic lookout. Kane’ohe & Kailua Bays and the majestic Ko’olau mountain range were a natural amphitheater that boldly made up Ko’olaupoko. As I stood there looking out over Windward O’ahu, I hummed in my mind trying to recall the lyrics, “Nani Ko’olau a’e po anu….”

The drive through old Kailua town had my attention focused on the hot local girls in their surf shorts, bikini tops, and rubbah slippah’s. As we came closer to our destination, Kalapawai Store caught my eye, or maybe it was the two young tita’s in front of it using the pay phone. Later I came to find out that Kalapawai Store would serve as a land mark proclaiming the gateway to the Kailua Beach areas and the pay phone in front of Kalapawai Store would serve as our only means of communication to the outside world. Passing Kailua Beach Park, we finally rounded the bend known as Alala Point, as I took notice of the old cement and stone monument that announced our arrival to, LANIKAI.

Our first excursion to the beach had my brothers and I walking down the hill from our temporary abode with a fabulous view of Na Mokulua (the two islands) called Moku Nui and Moku Iki (Big Island & Little Island). The sand was incredibly soft and fine between our toes and a bit hot too. I couldn’t believe how picture perfect was this post card that had come to life. Bleached white sands, naupaka shrubs lining the properties that met the beach line, small one man outrigger canoes, and real coconut palms swaying just as I had envisioned them from the popular Hapa Haole Songs that I had learned to hula to. It wasn’t long before we learned that Lanikai beach wasn’t known for its waves, so by my oldest brother’s request, our next beach adventure took us to Sandy Beach, the pride of Hawaii Kai.

Now Sandy’s (as the locals called it) was its own kind of body surfing extravaganza . Crowded with primarily local youth I came to understand that most of these island peers of mine were raised in these waters. It was definitely a different body surfing experience, leaving a greater impression on me than my wave riding stomping grounds outside of L.A. The wave would form quickly, creating what appeared to be a steep ninety degree vertical wall, extending 20 feet into the sky. As the wave curled over my head I had about half a second before it would just smash down on top of me and anything else in its way. It was astonishingly amazing how these young kama’aina (child of the land) could ride these waves with such precision, dropping quickly down its face and then navigating their bodies into the tube and just before the wave would close out, they somehow manage to immerse themselves back into the body of the wave before it came crushing down on top of them.  It wasn’t long before I re-embraced my love for life and decided that my body surfing days at Sandy’s had pretty much come to an end.

I don’t recall too much more that we did on that family vacation. I did go down to Kalapawai Store to use the phone and call my calabash cousin on Lana’i. I tried speaking in my best Pidgin English to impress the local girls that were waiting to use the phone after me. My oldest brother took us to a movie at the old Kailua Drive-In Movie Theater near Kapa’a Quarry Rd. I also remember pleading with my parents to either let me fly to Lana’i or take us to the PCC. My brothers voted to send me to Lana’i, but my parents wouldn’t let me go it alone, and we couldn’t get a unanimous vote to drive up to Laie.

Even though I didn’t get to stay in Hawaii, fly over to Lana’i, or spend a day at the PCC while on my first trip, I’m glad to say that the desires of my heart would be realized at a later time. This experience would be followed by a visit each summer thereafter. I traveled alone in 1980 and in 1981, but it was the trip in 1982 as we traveled as a Hula Halau (hula school), that I did not return with the troupe, but rather lingered a bit longer and made Hawaii my home. As a youth I guess I was brave enough to follow my dreams and I would encourage anyone at any age to do the same and fill their life with adventure and happiness.

When do I say Aloha?

Almost every day I use the word, “Aloha,” whether orally or written. It’s such a beautiful word and it’s recognized and known around the world.

I’m often asked, “what does aloha really mean?” My answer is always the same, “Love, pure unconditional love.”

Then comes the next question, “doesn’t it also mean hello and good-bye?”

Then comes my sermon:

I ask them, “how do you feel when you haven’t seen someone for a long time? Someone like maybe a grandparent that lives far away in another state, and maybe you see them but once every so many years. How do you feel when they finally travel all the way to see you? Is there excitement? Are there sometimes tears of joy? Well, that overwhelming feeling of love that you are experiencing, that’s aloha, and that’s how you greet them.”

“Then what about good-bye?” they ask.

“We’re not done,” I tell them. “Now that your grandparent has spent a wonderful week, maybe even a month, visiting with family, sharing recipes, buying gifts, and just really spending that personal one on one time with you. How do you feel when it's time for them to say good-bye? Is there sadness? Are there tears again? Is there that profound question felt in your heart wondering when, and if you’re ever going to see them again? Isn't it a feeling so strong that it hurts, not wanting to let them go? This too is aloha and you say it when you bid them farewell.”

I enjoy seeing the smile and satisfaction on their faces which follows. Most of the time they even say, “Aloha!” as they walk away.

Frickin’ Haole!

haole. nvs. White person, American, Englishman, Caucasian; formerly, any foreigner; foreign, introduced, of foreign origin, as plants, pigs, chickens; entirely white, of pigs. (Hawaiian-English Dictionary; Pukui & Elbert)

Hawaii is known as the “Melting Pot of the Pacific.” Its citizens are made up of people of many different cultures, races and ethnic origins. Most of today’s younger generation are a mixture of 3 or more different ethnic groups. Most of these keiki (children) of Hawaii would have to go back anywhere from 3-5 generations to identify an ancestor of any one pure ethnicity. Of these many mixed blooded descendants, most of them are proud of their Hawaiian Roots. To some, these roots mean to say of Native Hawaiian Ancestry. To others it simply means to say, “Local.” Citizens of the state of Hawaii call themselves “Local,” if they were born and/or raised in Hawaii. Some separate themselves saying that the true locals are those whose parents were also born and raised in Hawaii. The more generations you go back, the more local you are. Others have defined being local if a person has acquired the local style culture, pidgin English, taste for local food, and a sense of location in the islands.

From all of this what I want to now point out is when you trace one particular people back to the time of European Explorations, the first Christian Missionaries, the original Plantation owners, The Big Five (look it up), or those who came to surf with “The Duke,” ” da’ haole,” has an identity all of its own.  Please understand, Polynesians were the first identified race of people to inhabit the Hawaiian Islands. The second group of people, as far as we know, were the haole. Long before the Chinese, Japanese, Filipinos, other Pacific Islanders, Koreans, Puerto Ricans, etc., the haole was there advising the Ali’i (Hawaiian Chiefs) and all of the members of the last monarchy starting with Kamehameha the Great himself. Next to the native Hawaiians, if there’s anyone that would be considered more local, shouldn’t it be the haole? So what is that unique haole quality that has set them apart from all of the other ethnic groups that has followed them into paradise, making Hawaii their home?

Let’s take another look at the word itself, haole. Foreign introduced, of foreign origin, with the key word being foreign. It seems that among all of the immigrants that braved the newly charted Pacific, only one maintained their distance from everything that was Hawaiian. Even though interracial marriages eventually became common with all immigrants, the haole was the most resistant to blend into the island culture. Honestly that’s not totally true, other nationalities like the Japanese were very proud and made a great effort to make their stay in Hawaii as close to their lifestyle back in Japan as they possibly could. Japanese immigrants worked hard to pass on their culture, values, language, and religion to their children, but it seems like it didn’t take too many generations before the Hawaii born Japanese offspring chose to go their own direction.

So back to the haole, was it their fair skin? It seems like, to the many people of color, that the blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair complexion has always been envied and sought after. However, I still believe that it’s more than just that. Ever since Captain James Cook, back in latter part of the 18^th Century was mistaken as a God by some of the island natives, that haole mannerism has been perpetuated in some form and to some degree. Call it arrogance if you will. To me it’s that undeniable conquering spirit, that self proclaimed manifest destiny. The haole has always carried themselves in such a way that either you love them or you hate them. That is so true, even among themselves. To me, their adventurous spirit really means that they’re just opportunists that can’t stand being around their own kind. So they run away, but when they come across other peoples of strange cultures, they immediately claim discovery, exploit their natural resources and subject them to their own way of life. Not much has changed to date as you ask yourself what’s the real difference between acquisition and colonization?

To wrap this up, don’t be a hater. Even if the haole doesn’t do a good job of fitting in, even if he marries your sister, but won’t let you borrow his car, that doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. Many of us know plenty of haole that in their own haole way are awesome people. The haole has done so much good for the world giving us all of the wonderful conveniences we enjoy today. Even if they didn’t invent it themselves, they managed to acquire it from the person who did, take credit for it and reap the financial rewards. Too good, huh? We can learn so much from our haole brothers, sisters, and ancestors (if you have some). So when you find yourself frustrated, angry, broken, or just plain humiliated because of something done by a haole, the best thing to do is try and see the good in it. Forgive and try to understand them because remember, they can’t help it, they’re haole.

Who You Know and How Much They Owe You.

We’ve often heard the saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” Well this phrase is still valid today. Whether you’re looking for a job, a great deal, good service, or even an opportunity to redeem yourself, knowing the right person in the right position has always opened doors and given someone the competitive edge. However, today’s society has gotten a little more complicated with its uncertain economy, advanced technology, and exploding populations. Just knowing someone isn’t everything anymore. Look at social media as an example. People today have the opportunity to be in touch with thousands of distant relatives, childhood friends, old acquaintances, etc. Reconnecting has put many people back in good standings with old relationships, or has created a second chance, introducing individuals who previously passed over one another when they could have met. Networking is bigger today than ever on a global scale. People are becoming connected with one another in larger numbers and in shorter time periods. This has caused individuals to be a little more conservative on who they’re willing to do a favor for. We refer to much of it as prioritizing. Often we have to decide on who’s baby shower are we going to attend or who’s wedding reception when so many events are all scheduled at about the same time. Who are we willing to offend so not to offend someone else. Then there’s that friend who use to comp me tickets for concerts, or sports events. “How come that person doesn’t return my phone calls or emails anymore, especially when it gets closer to the big game?” The competition between us is getting greater and greater. Maintaining relationships and not burning bridges has never been more crucial. Finally, don’t get confused and think that just because you did someone a favor, that they’re going to be able to return that favor when you really need it. We have learned to calculate the risks involved when turning from one association to provide for another. Again we learn to prioritize and determine which is the lesser of two evils. The bottom line is, how is it going best benefit me in the big scheme of things? My advice to anyone as I’m learning this myself from my own experiences is, keep a positive attitude, be genuinely kind to everyone. Don’t do any favors expecting anything in return and finally, no one owes you anything. If you are fortunate enough to have anyone render you a personal favor, be humble, express sincere gratitude and take that as an opportunity to position yourself not to need that kind of intervention again from someone you know, if at all possible. Remember the Golden Rule, “Do unto others far better than anyone has ever done unto you.”